Saturday, May 29, 2010

Game On

Though my beloved St. Louis Blues suck, as usual, I can still enjoy the Stanley Cup Finals.

For years I labored under the delusion that my favorite sports were:
1a. NFL
1b. NHL

I've come to notice something very telling, however. When I'm watching football, I find myself doing other things, as well. Hockey, on the other hand, tends to hold my complete attention.

I can only conclude that hockey has ascended to the top of my particular sports hierarchy.

And what a game it is! Speed, skill, violence, the great sound of skates slicing into ice, the zamboni... What more can you ask for?

And the best part is the pace of the game. If you have a mere 2 hours to spare, you can watch an entire hockey game. Each team gets a grand total of one timeout for the entire game. Let me reiterate that for any NBA fans reading this post: one timeout for the entire game!

I single out basketball because, in effect, hockey killed basketball for me. I was a huge hoops fan growing up. Couldn't get enough of it. After watching some hockey, however, and seeing the great pace at which the game is played, I quickly realized what an inferior product the NBA was trying to pedal. Never again would I dedicate 45 minutes to see the last 90 seconds of an "exciting" NBA game.

See, I'm very American when it comes to sports. I don't have time to spend on nonsense. Give me the game, entertain me for a couple of hours, and then go the hell away. I don't give a rat's behind if the players are shooting 'roids directly into their scrotum on the bench; just give me a few minutes of release from my miserable life, you magnificent bastards!

And while I'm bearing my ugly American soul, the world can keep their precious soccer... er, excuse me, futball. What the hell is that? Don't get it. Don't want to get it. And yeah, I've actually watched games before.

People in my home town are absolutely nuts for soccer. They pack 50000 people into the stadium for each frickin' game! As a courtesy to these people, many of whom I work alongside, I took in a couple of games...

Dear god in heaven, I've never been so bored in my entire life! It's no wonder the crowds are always chanting or dropping urine bombs on each other; they have to do something to entertain themselves!

And stop it with the whole, "They are the best athletes because they spend the whole game running." No they don't! They spend about 3/4 of the game strolling down the field, and then actually running the other 1/4 of the time. You know it's true, soccer fan. Don't even front.

Anyway, this wasn't meant to be an anti-soccer screed. This post is meant to celebrate the championship series of the greatest game in the world.

Hockey rules!

1 comment:

SUEB0B said...

My eyes don't bounce around enough in their sockets to be quick enough to watch hockey. On the other hand, soccer is too slow. So if I had a sport, it would be NBA ball. I was a fan for a couple years til I realized I was wasting my whole fucking life watching the same thing happen over and over three nights a week for 6 months of the year. Now I limit myself to shouting "They've gotta get out there and bang the boards" whenever a game is on. People think I know what I'm talking about then.